The Miracle Peddler
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2:30 p.m, Tuesday and the expected call just came through. Being the last week of the month, Pastor Kay was coming into Uyo from Port Harcourt and that was good news. Here was another chance to hustle him, have fun and rake some cool dough in at the end of the week; a chance Valentine wouldn't miss for anything in the world.
These dealings are not supposed to be expressly discussed over the phone, so whenever pastor's PA, the burly Matt calls, painstakingly elucidating what the pastor's visit to Uyo meant- as if he had not always been the contact man- and what he needed to do, Valentine usually felt a surge of anger course through him. He was not a numskull and hated being treated like one. He knew his schedules
First, he had to book for accommodation in a hotel different from the one used the last time. Pastor Kay is a materialist. The accommodation had to be a first class suite. The two girls the pastor would spend thursday night with had been pre-arranged. Recently, it has not been as tough for Valentine to get girls for him as it used to be at the start. Pastor is always generous with his money and very suave with his fun; the university being a small community, these girls go back and spread the gossips.
"Valentine is a procurer for some rich and extravagant pastor with excellent bed skills. The pay is as good as the fun and 'good-ol' Val charges no commissions", they would tell others.
The result of this: fresh ones with swaying hips stalked him to lonely corners and begged for a chance- to be carried along- nowadays. For this particular racket, he choose to deal only with students of the prestigious University of Uyo. These ones are a- wee more sophisticated than their Polytechnic and College of Education counterparts. They needed the dough alright, yet they knew how to spread the fun. The tingly-diggly type of fun that made Pastor Kay erupt into elongated bellows of laughter. The type that made him ask for more.
Then, he'll have to call Nkasi, his lines-man from the Polytechnic, in Ikot Osurua and give directives. Nkasi will have pre-arranged between ten and fifteen students from the Polytechnic for the programme. They had to be different from the ones used the last time. Miracles need not be repeated. He will hire a bus and commute them to Angler's Hotels, where they will be lodged- thursday night- against the friday morning trip to PH.
***
5:30 p.m, thursday evening and Pastor was already in town. By 6:00 p.m he was sufficiently lodged in an exquisite hotel along F- Line in Ewet Housing Estate.
The two girls were ushered in by Val and as they flirted and giggled seductively, Pastor sitting on one side of the giant twin- bed, sized them up. He was the lion; they were his prey. Signals were sent and understood, looks were exchanged, hush-hush talk and Valentine was out of the suite in no time.
***
5:30 p.m, thursday evening and the sixteen-sitter Hiace bus was sufficiently boarded from Ikot Osurua to Uyo main town. By 6:00 p.m, the twelve students had been lodged- in pairs- at Angler's Hotels. 6:15 p.m and Valentine was driven into Angler's by pastor's driver. Valentine and Nkasi met, hush-hush talk and Valentine addressed the pack.
"Welcome, fellow Nigerian students. We are here on a purpose; while you eat free, drink free and make as much merry as you deem fit, remember that by tomorrow morning we shall be on our way to a church programme at Port Harcourt. There, we shall be told how to help our benefactor, all towards the success of his programme. If we shall do as we shall be directed- which I have no doubt, we will- then we should be smiling home on Sunday morning with good monies in our pockets. Enjoy your stay".
2:30 p.m, Tuesday and the expected call just came through. Being the last week of the month, Pastor Kay was coming into Uyo from Port Harcourt and that was good news. Here was another chance to hustle him, have fun and rake some cool dough in at the end of the week; a chance Valentine wouldn't miss for anything in the world.
These dealings are not supposed to be expressly discussed over the phone, so whenever pastor's PA, the burly Matt calls, painstakingly elucidating what the pastor's visit to Uyo meant- as if he had not always been the contact man- and what he needed to do, Valentine usually felt a surge of anger course through him. He was not a numskull and hated being treated like one. He knew his schedules
First, he had to book for accommodation in a hotel different from the one used the last time. Pastor Kay is a materialist. The accommodation had to be a first class suite. The two girls the pastor would spend thursday night with had been pre-arranged. Recently, it has not been as tough for Valentine to get girls for him as it used to be at the start. Pastor is always generous with his money and very suave with his fun; the university being a small community, these girls go back and spread the gossips.
"Valentine is a procurer for some rich and extravagant pastor with excellent bed skills. The pay is as good as the fun and 'good-ol' Val charges no commissions", they would tell others.
The result of this: fresh ones with swaying hips stalked him to lonely corners and begged for a chance- to be carried along- nowadays. For this particular racket, he choose to deal only with students of the prestigious University of Uyo. These ones are a- wee more sophisticated than their Polytechnic and College of Education counterparts. They needed the dough alright, yet they knew how to spread the fun. The tingly-diggly type of fun that made Pastor Kay erupt into elongated bellows of laughter. The type that made him ask for more.
Then, he'll have to call Nkasi, his lines-man from the Polytechnic, in Ikot Osurua and give directives. Nkasi will have pre-arranged between ten and fifteen students from the Polytechnic for the programme. They had to be different from the ones used the last time. Miracles need not be repeated. He will hire a bus and commute them to Angler's Hotels, where they will be lodged- thursday night- against the friday morning trip to PH.
***
5:30 p.m, thursday evening and Pastor was already in town. By 6:00 p.m he was sufficiently lodged in an exquisite hotel along F- Line in Ewet Housing Estate.
The two girls were ushered in by Val and as they flirted and giggled seductively, Pastor sitting on one side of the giant twin- bed, sized them up. He was the lion; they were his prey. Signals were sent and understood, looks were exchanged, hush-hush talk and Valentine was out of the suite in no time.
***
5:30 p.m, thursday evening and the sixteen-sitter Hiace bus was sufficiently boarded from Ikot Osurua to Uyo main town. By 6:00 p.m, the twelve students had been lodged- in pairs- at Angler's Hotels. 6:15 p.m and Valentine was driven into Angler's by pastor's driver. Valentine and Nkasi met, hush-hush talk and Valentine addressed the pack.
"Welcome, fellow Nigerian students. We are here on a purpose; while you eat free, drink free and make as much merry as you deem fit, remember that by tomorrow morning we shall be on our way to a church programme at Port Harcourt. There, we shall be told how to help our benefactor, all towards the success of his programme. If we shall do as we shall be directed- which I have no doubt, we will- then we should be smiling home on Sunday morning with good monies in our pockets. Enjoy your stay".
***
Dusk was fast approaching and preparations were in earnest. The students had arrived Port Harcourt in the early afternoon hours. They were taken to the church camping ground: a large warehouse-type building along Trans Amadi. Loud prayers were heard as they were being herded towards a hall behind the main building. There, Valentine had addressed them. He was not surprised when none of them expressed any sort of astonishment after he told them the secret behind their trip and explained what they had to do and how to do it well. He smiled to himself. Nkasi had done his job well. He had systematically told them of what business brought them there long before they set their feet on the church camping ground.
The big Pastor came in next, dressed in black suede pants, an exotic body- fitting leather jacket over a green paisley shirt. His tie was noosed in the half- Windsor style with a dimple at the bridge. His Italian shoes accentuated the looks more. He was a generous dresser. As he strode gingerly towards them, he began to mutter in strange tongues- the language of miracles- swaying this way and that. He hissed and suddenly screamed "receive it", whooping the air instantaneously towards the students pack. All but one fell down uncontrollably. The only one just stood there, his attention on the cell phone he had in his hands, as he typed away.
"O! Ye of little faith", Pastor Kay shouted as he pointed towards him. Then he walked briskly out.
Anointing oil was brought by someone- probably an assisting pastor- and rubbed on each of the fallen students forehead. They rose like zombies. It felt weird to observe the unnerving calm that came over them afterwards. The magic had already worked.
As the students regained vigor, they were divided into two groups of six each. A team of miracle tutors attended to one while make-up coaches attended to the others.
The miracle tutors told the one team how to receive healing for minor ailments like stomach ulcers, pile, non- ceasing migraines, movement around the body etc. and how to render great testimonies.
The coaches taught the other team how to limb as cripples, totter like the blind and whimper like the dumb. Roles where assigned, wheel-chairs, crutches, black googles and other such gadgets where brought; they were all dressed in disguise, with make ups- balms and caulk rubbed on supposedly blind eye-lids, dust rubbed on pretentious lame legs. The students filed out into the bus; they bus headed out towards the church- venue for the miracles that will transform them to their normal forms again.
***
The students alighted one after the other, each with their gadget, burdened with the diseases assigned to them.
It was 7:45 p.m and the massive church auditorium was already packed to capacity. Large crowds had occupied the whole church area. Buses loaded with miracle seekers turned in their numbers into the venue. Traffic gridlocks had no end as the only access road was on a lock down. One could hear passersby- in taxis and on feet- chattering about Pastor Kay's 'Night of a Thousand Miracles'. This was the last friday of the month. Tonight was the night.
The students alighted one after the other, each with their gadget, burdened with the diseases assigned to them.
By 8:30 p.m, the air was already tense and the people ready for miracles. Totems of devotion were sold by the walk ways. Holy water, anointing oil, crosses, handkerchiefs, good luck stickers, hand bands, Tee shirts dorned with 'Night of a Thousand Miracles' insignia, even special protection perfumes.
By the time the pastor started speaking in strange tongues- words that sounded like 'robo la robo, o' sala mala tu! Robo o! Jesu; teknon mele mele shaback tani'- the church had erupted into fierce prayers. This was really an atmosphere for miracles. Pastor Kay momentarily dipped his right hand into his coat pocket and produced a white handkerchief. With his left hand firmly clutching the microphone to his mouth, he booed deeply in eerie baritones, the effect booming over loudly over the speakers. Each boom was accompanied by a fling of the handkerchief and the resultant falling over of most members of the crowd. It looked like a strong wind, a tsunami worked through the crowd pushing down people as it swooshed pass. Miracles started happening.
The students waited turns, each screaming out loud over his healing. From different locations, each was taken to the altar to give his testimony and show the world what power of healing abounded in Pastor Kay's works. Other members of the crowd joined in. The lame walked; blind eyes were opened. Tithe and offering boxes were perpetually emptied and replaced as they quickly filled up again.
The congregation praised and praised. Shouts rented the air in bits. The lone student stood away at a corner with his cell phone recording the events of the night. It was all so unbelievable how Pastor Kay could use twelve students to rent such a huge crowd.
***
7:00 a.m in the morning and the students were ready to commute back to Uyo. Wide smiles were perpetually plastered on the lips of most as they reeled in the events of the past night. Each had an experience in miracle peddling. The twenty thousand naira wads in their individual bags and pockets were proof that they partook of the miracle of healing. But one student stood out different from the others. He had been taking pictures before settling into the front seat of the bus. He was sober. He didn't engage in any conversation.
Before the bus rolled out of the camp ground, the big Pastor had sent for Valentine and Nkasi. In his small office, a fifty thousand naira bundle was given to each of them. Pastor Kay expressed his appreciation for the manner both procurers always stood by him to make his programme a success. Then, he had told them of some detractors; very wicked enemies who wanted to bring him down. At the end, he had warned them sternly not to board the bus. His driver would convey them back with one of his numerous SUVs.
When they emerged from the office, the pastor had walked to the bus. He stood by the rolling door, scanning faces.
"O! Ye of little faith. The son of man shall not be put to shame", he had exclaimed.
The bus drove out. One of Pastor Kay's SUV'S drove behind. The students were in the bus, Val and Nkasi were in the SUV.
The bus drove out. One of Pastor Kay's SUV'S drove behind. The students were in the bus, Val and Nkasi were in the SUV.
***
This was the news broadcast over the car stereo even as the driver drove the SUV into the hospital's parking lot that afternoon. Valentine and Nkasi rushed into the crowded OPD. They were led to the two wards holding the students. Few of them had sustained very minor injuries. Others were just suffering from shock.
"There was a mishap along East- West road this morning. Nobody knew exactly how it happened, but a bus filled with student coming back from a church programme in Port Harcourt skidded off the tarmac and ran into a tree in the nearby bushes. One student died on the spot, the others have been rushed to a nearby hospital. It is suspected that the driver must have dozed from exhaustion".
This was the news broadcast over the car stereo even as the driver drove the SUV into the hospital's parking lot that afternoon. Valentine and Nkasi rushed into the crowded OPD. They were led to the two wards holding the students. Few of them had sustained very minor injuries. Others were just suffering from shock.
Valentine had asked to see the dead student. He was taken to a separate section- a morgue. There he saw him- the same student that was typing away on his cell phone, the one that didn't fall when the Pastor wielded his powers- he lay there without physical injury. But he was dead.
***
It was about 3:00 p.m and the driver was racing the SUV back towards Port Harcourt. They had to reach the site of the accident and access it. Moreover, Valentine hoped to recover the personal effects of the victims. The sun was still hot when they located the bus in the bushes. The damage was not severe as told on the radio. Apart from the wind-screen which was shattered by an over hanging tree trunk, there were just few scratches on the body. They opened the doors and started searching for belongings. Bags and shoes lay tossed. Valentine went to the front passenger side and opened the door. There was a phone tugged at the fold between the seat and the back rest. Valentine took the phone and started scrolling through. He went to the picture folder and saw pictures of the Pastor in different poses of healing. There were also those of the other students being made-up for the programme.
Valentine was confused. He scrolled to the message folder and was shocked to read a string of smses sent to a certain number all about the pastor's pretentious healing.
Just then, revelations hit him. The one student sat on the front seat. He was the enemy pastor was referring to. He was the mole- the reason why Pastor Kay asked him and Nkasi not to board the bus back. Maybe he was a student- journalist who came on to expose the pastor's hyprocrisy.
Somehow, Pastor Kay knew about his real intentions...and killed him.
****************END****************
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